Wesley Snipes

So in this dream, Wesley Snipes, dressed in his full Blade costume regailia, decides that it is time for us to fight. We were going to fight at this dead end street where a friend of mine got knocked out when he fought some dude there in high school. So I tell Snipes to quote "bring it" and he looks decidedly scared. As I proceed to launch my attack, he runs away in fear. His friends who have gathered to watch look on in stunned disbelief. A black pyramid about 6 feet tall and with a glowing point appears out of nowhere. I look at it and think that it looks pretty cool.

Volume 3 - Norah Jones (again?)

An unprecedented event happened this week as we had a repeat guest! Joy! I’m Rick James, Bitch!

Come away with me (To the mall)

The scene: Downtown-ish location; a department store.

The celeb: Norah Jones

The lowdown: (NOTE: This story I am about to tell is actually the second part of a long dream I had. This first part is included as the Bonus Dream of the Week, so I’m going to go Momento up in this piece and tell the story [somewhat] backward.) Norah and I are in some serious trouble. We are huddled together near a bed in the mattress department of a shopping mall department store (think Sears or JC Penny). I look at the exits and all are well guarded by terrorists that have taken over the store. One of the terrorists comes over by us, gripping his machine gun firmly in his hands, and looks down at us, murder in his cold eyes. I don’t know how this will end, I remember thinking to myself, But I’m not going down without a fight. The guard comes closer to where we are laying and I prepare myself mentally to make my move. Before that can happen there’s a loud crash and a flash like lightning as flash bang grenades explode all around us. I see the terrorists at the door go down instantly. The SWAT team moves in, taking down our captors with brutal efficiency. Suddenly, I remember the terrorist that was coming over to shoot us. He’s recovered from his initial shock and is again looking toward me. It’s too late for us now, the SWAT forces are too far away from where we are to save us. I put myself in front of Norah, hoping to at least shield her from the attack, giving her at least a few extra moments for our rescuers to arrive. The man raises his rifle at me. I look at the cold eyes staring at me through the holes in his ski mask. I close my eyes and wait for the inevitable. My whole body jerks violently as the shot rings forth. I feel no pain. In fact, I feel quite good. I open my eyes again after hearing what sounds like a sack of potatoes being dropped on the carpeting. I stare in disbelief at the body of our potential doom. Looks like the SWAT team was just in time after all.

Flash forward to a few hours later. I am at a Subway sandwich shop in a metropolitan downtown area. Norah is there with her band and we are all relieved to be alive after the incident at the mall. So there we all sit chatting like old friends. Well, they are all chatting. I’m sitting there quietly as they talk about band things. I interject a few times during their discussion with magical lines like “oh, I really like that song”. I feel like such a nerd that I decide to just keep quiet lest I embarrass myself further. Norah gets up and walks over to where the sandwiches are being made (literally 3 feet away; must be a small place I guess) and proceeds to make us all sandwiches. I get the impression that she works there. I guess being a grammy winning singer and selling millions of records just isn’t paying the bills nowadays, eh? After eating our custom made sandwiches, the chatting continues. Norah gets up at one point and decides its time for a little show and tell. She turns her back to me, and pulls down her pants, revealing a very ugly tattoo and her lower back and ass. She pulls up her pants and rejoins her band mates at the table and proceeds to tell me about here time in jail. I ask her how long she was there, to witch she responds “seven to nine days.” I like the vagueness of her response. You’d think if you served jail time, you’d know EXACTLY how long you were there. So I say to her, “Was it jail you went to or a federal ‘pound me in the ass’ penitentiary? (I’d like to thank Office Space for implanting that line in my mind) Everyone gets a chuckle out of that. Several African American guys are sitting at and adjacent table, singing in a barber shop quartet fashion. Norah joins in on the singing and we all live happily ever after (AKA that’s where the dream ends). My psychosis has many levels friends…

Bonus Dream of the Week!

The scene: Department store

The celeb: Norah Jones (GET OUT OF MY MIND!!!)

The lowdown: I’m cruising along at the local department store. Suddenly, I realize that I have the ability to fly! I proceed to do so, since walking is for chumps, to the amazement of all the customers in the store. As I am tooling about the store, I realize that there is something fishy afoot. I notice that spaced out about the store there a several rough looking men concealing what appear to be automatic rifles. I land over in the mattress department. I see a woman there looking at mattresses, oblivious to the danger. I move over to her and I am taken aback as I realize who she is. She looks at me curiously and begins to say something, but I cut her off. “We are in danger, Norah.” Just then we begin to hear what sounds like firecrackers going off throughout the store. Screams and gunshots fill our ears as we search for cover…

So there we have it. That’s it for volume 3 folks. Thanks again for your time and, as always, I’ll be here all week. Tip your waitress.

Volume 2 - Pierce Brosnan & Norah Jones

Hola! Back with more of the proverbial wackiness. Repent, heathens! For elite dreams are at hand! Let's begin.

Never forget Remington Steele!

The scene: A very large tree house (think ewok village large), sunny afternoon (approximately 7:00pm)

The celeb: Pierce Brosnan

The lowdown: The dream starts out with me looking for a place to ski. This is the 2nd time in about a week that the physical fitness activity of winter sports has appeared in my sleeping state. Not sure what the whole skiing aspect had to do with anything, but hey, it's a nice visual none the less. Moving along, I now find myself in a giant sort of tree house/village conglomeration. Kids are there at a large table and they appear to be hard at work drawing. Mr. Brosnan saunters up to me and asks if I would like to partake in the festivities. Accepting, I sit down and begin to draw a very detailed drawing of (drum roll please.) a product placement. The best part about this contest is that it is a competition to see if people can recognize the object that you draw. So obviously writing Pepsi on the drawing is cheating (that was the impression that I got from the dream). Awesome. I'm cheating on a damn drawing contest to beat grade schoolers. A helicopter arrives and drops a rope down to Pierce. He grabs a hold of the rope and the helicopter begins to lift him away. He has been lifted only a few feet off the ground when suddenly he loses his grip and falls hard upon the wooden planks of the tree house, injuring his shoulder and arm. A leggy blonde runs over to assist him as he rises unsteadily to his feet. He grips her with his uninjured arm, lays a big smackeroo (or a kiss for the lay person) on her, grips the rope with his injured arm, and rises away into the heavens with his lady friend in tow, soon becoming small dots in the late afternoon horizon. Thanks for the Bond moment, buddy. Go now in peace, my dark haired angel!

Don't know why (you're in my dream)

The scene: A room with a large TV

The celeb: Norah Jones

The lowdown: 2nd time in a week that my dream has involved a musicalguest. WTF is this, SNL? Here's the dream in a nutshell. I'm in a room. The TV is on. Norah Jones is on theTV, singing a song (as singers have been known to do from time to time). The kicker is she is naked and painted blue. End Dream. Questions: 1) What the hell? 2) See question 1.

That's it for this week, kids. Thanks again for coming into my life and sharing dreams with me. It's been a beautiful, naked moment.

Volume 1 - Adam Sandler, Blink 182 & Salma Hayek

Hello again. Well it didn't take long for more celebrity dreams. This
week's dreams are pretty interesting (and prove that I am certifiably insane). Let's all laugh at my sickness together, yay!

Are those real?

The scene: Top secret jail/research facility (wtf).

The celeb: Adam Sandler

The lowdown: This dream was like watching a movie, things happening in front of me but I had no interaction with people or events. So Adam Sandler walks up this big flight of steel stairs in this futuristic looking techno-jail/ research facility. While ascending the steps, he looks into a strategically placed mirror off to one side. He flexes his muscles on his arm and it's apparent that he is ripped. Looks like he's been hitting the 'roids for his latest movie, eh? So he gets to the top and is greeted by a middle-aged scientist-doctor guy. The doctor looks at Adam and says to him "Well, it looks like your breast implants have failed." Adam looks perplexed and saddened by this news. He is not the only one. I am sad and perplexed that this dream was allowed to exist in my head. Let's move on.

Bouncy, bouncy

The scene: Some House

The celeb(s): Blink 182

The lowdown: Mmmm. a nice surreal dream involving a rock band. Why not, I say. The details are pretty vague on this one, but here are the facts: 1. Blink 182 was there and 2. There were trampolines. Let the madness begin. So pretty much what was happening in this one was that random people (including myself) were jumping on trampolines, launching themselves over a house and into a large swimming pool. The role of the band? To provide the soundtrack for the jumping tomfoolery!

Bonus Dream of the Week!

The scene: Blasted wasteland, reddish in color and rocky

The celeb: Salma Hayek, Antonio Banderas

The lowdown: 3 words people: Salma Hayek. Ok, that's 2 words. Sue me, bleeotch! Again, this dream was very indistinct. All I remember is that Salma was ridding away from something while on horseback with another person (not me, though a boy can wish *sigh*). I get the feeling that she was rescued from someone and that she was fleeing from capture. Oh did I mention that she was scantily clad in what appeared to be an orange colored bed sheet? No? She was scantily clad in what appeared to be an orange colored bed sheet. Antonio Banderas might have been there as well, but that might have been a Desperado flashback.

Well, that's it for this episode. I'm off to go have more celebrity
adventures in dream land. PEACE OUT!

Welcome!

You're in my world now grandma! The goal of this blog will definately be to entertain 1) the viewing public and 2) myself. As you might have seen on the right side of this website (I'll wait while you look... ok let's proceed!), I have very strange dreams about celebs. I also have them with frightening frequency. Hope you enjoy, because I don't think you're ready for this jelly (it's grape!).